The above user is about to kill you.

[retrolinkx]

The killers weapon? The thing to their right.
Your weapon? The thing to your left.

Who wins?

Hmm, a bottle of BBQ Sauce. I'm up against nobody, so I'm sure I'll win the encounter.

[chaoadventures]

I... I have a blank CD-R as my weapon. Pretty sure the barbecue bottle is better.

[NiGHTSIsLife]

A killer with a blank CD-R vs. my GameCube controller? I'll survive.

[Ivogoji]

I have an actual sword.

Pretty good odds.

[Pratzelwurm]

I have.... a spoon.

Unless I can manage to jam it in your eye, I'm toast.

[Jeffery Mewtamer]

I've got a heavy duty extension cord. I think it's a 12-footer.

So I've got an improvised flail and strangulation device against someone with an improvised melee weapon that's too sharp to be called blunt, but not quite sharp enough to be called a short knife and has essentially no range. I think I have the weapon advantage, and a flail might have enough coverage my vision wouldn't put me at a disadvantage prior to my opponent making contact, but I think this might come down to who would win in hand-to-hand.

[eblu]

i'll strangle you with this WIRE

let's go jeff wire on wire battling

[Rox64]

I have a small stuffed baby seal. I'll be fiiiiine.

[thatguyinthecorner]

I have my limited expertise in a martial art made 85% of kicks hampered by the fact both my big toes are probably infected and almost definitely ingrown, and a thin wall.

This one's a coin toss, really, unless I'm way better at punching than I think I am.