Snowy The Chao's Origins

[Snowy]

Prologue
Snowy The Chao was known very well in the chao world because of his abilities and breed.His parents were sky blue but his mother was a monotone sky blue H/F/F and his father was a twotone sky blue D/R/R.They both got married in Ice Cap and produced an egg.When it hatched The two chao were happy too see their new born son Snowy.One day the ground started to crack and Snowy & his parents had fallen down a pit.Snowy's parents tried to fly but they couldn't it was useless.When they made impact with the ground alot of snow & ice fell down the pit along with a chaos emerald.Snowy had survived the fall and the emerald's energy combined with the ice & snow around gave Snowy the ability to control ice,his parents died at the scene,then Snowy got sad & used his ice abilities to lift his parents' bodies and himself all the way back to the surface where he buried his parents' bodies and starts heading to the chao garden where he was later adopted by Sonic The Hedgehog who took care of him until Snowy was all growned up & left to look for adventure...But what he didn't know was that danger was waiting for him on the Neutral chao garden...

[CitrusCat]

Not a bad start! I like it so far. I wonder how Snowy became an orphan, though...

[Snowy]

make your predictions i'll continue tomorrow

[EliOceans]

I think you should put some more detail into it. It's funny, because I was reading through my old stories and moonsoul and some others were telling me the exact same things.

Don't make the story move so quickly, even though it's the prologue, and you want to get right into it. Take your time. Expand your ideas. Details make the story much more entertaining, and allows the readers to get a perfect image of what's going on in the story inside of their heads. Plus, it makes your ideas flow smoother and easier to understand.

Like, we don't know how he miraculously fell into the "land full of ice and chaos energy", nor how he learned to "bend" ice. First off, you're lucky I watched Avatar, or I wouldn't know what you mean by bending. Others may not know, so you should either explain it or choose another word. Secondly, you should describe the land. How it's full of ice is easy to comprehend, but what about the chaos energy? That's an entirely new concept, and we know nothing about the energy, or how it can affect others. Just some things to think about.

Oh, and lastly, how was/is Snowy unusual? You just state it and move on. After he learned to "bend" ice, then he's unusual, I suppose. Details. They are key.

oh, and please review your work before you post them. "Din't" isn't a word. I think you meant to say "didn't".

So in all, I'm just giving some constructive criticism. Just want to see beginning writers get better. Good luck on your story. I'll be reading.

[Snowy]

Snowy's POV
After i left Sonic's house i felt very sad but got over it when i arrived at the neutral chao garden wich was a sunny happy place with green grass and trees with fruit and it was where the cave to the chao karate & chao race stadiums are.When i got there i saw a monotone purple Hero Fly Swim chao who's name was Emma.We talked for awhile but then she left leaving me back in my alone and sad mood.A few hours of sitting alone a Normal Two-Tone Neutral/Normal/Normal came to me and we talked for about a minute,then i told him i was going to sleep so he left and i drifted away in my thoughts and didn't notice i fell asleep until Emma woke me up three days later. “You slept for three days straight Snowy,are you okay?”she asked me as i rubbed my eyes and nodded.Three minutes later we both decided to go the hero garden wich is a cloudy place with green grass and some ruins and has a beautiful fountain of water and trees with yellow fruit.When we got there she introduced me to some hero chao who are friends of her's and we walked around for awhile.That was the most wonderful day in my life as I began my relationship with her and we got to talk about somethings we we're gonna do some day.I was very happy when i went home to the neutral garden because i met some chao and we raced around the garden so we all decided to go to the chao race stadium a place with colorful bright colors with different courses that test chao's different abilities like running,flying,swimming,strength or all at once to compete against eachother and other chao from other chao gardens.I won 10/11 races because i got tired at the end but i asked for a rematch hehe.Anyways i was going to sleep but something got my attention...the chao karate stadium a place with a lot of chao with those kind of bands people put on their foreheads when they exercise and some have some drums when the chao who are gonna fight when they're chosen.Now it's my turn to fight a Monotone Red N/P/P and he looks tough!

[Snowy]

Snowy's POV

When the match started i charged at my enemy with great force and punched him and my opponent didn't fight back it just lay there.After a few seconds of thinking i kicked that red chao off the ring and i cheered as omochao announced my victory.Then a nother chao came out it was a blue monotone dark run power so it had chance of beating me.Omochao started the fight and i reacted without thinking and the chao punched me,i wiped my mouth and charged at him again,he made the mistake of moving to the edge of the ring and i pushed him off.After the whole celebration dance i did the third match started and my opponent came out,she was a hero fly swim and she was pretty slow so i had a chance and i took it and defeated her the second the match started.Afterwards,my fourth opponent sure was a pain i was about to go down with one last hit and i remebered i had ice powers so i froze my opponent wich was a monotone orange dark power power,and then while he was frozen i pushed him off the edge and i won!The last match i had was against a shiny sky blue neutral run run.After a few beating later we both got tired but i was not giving up so i used my ice again to freeze my opponent and pushed him off the edge and i won the super tornament!!

[Crash32]

OP much. Kicking and Ice powers in a game of karate?

[Canpaw]

Yeah. WAY too powerful for a chao.

[Snowy]

It's All Based Off An Rp except for the prologue and besides i can make my chao with ice powers

The Nazo Chao SAGA
Snowy's POV
After the tornament i went home to the chao garden where then i met some new chao and where my girlfriend Emma was ready to uh...breed so i went over there with her and we produced an egg but just when the egg appeared a shiny white N/R/R+P appeared and launched a laser beam at the egg and killed my girlfriend also.He then beat me up but the chao that i met came to me and healed me thanks to Nazo who left a healing potion for me so i could fight him again...weird i know...After a few hours of talking me and my new friends went to the dark chao garden where all the dark chao were killed by Nazo.I was passing by the bodies when suddenly one moved and i went to it and it said that he was friends with one of the chao i met earlier and he told us we each had elemental powers and that we have to go to the Chao Planet and beat Nazo before he changes into his more powerful forms.We returned to the chao garden only to find a new chao named Zero and that's where me and all the chao that were with me introduced ourselves.Sani a normal two tone N/F,Galvin a two tone red N/R/R,Eun a Silver H/F/P+S, & Zero a normal two tone N/R/R.So i decided i should make a ship out of the departure machine in the chao garden but Zero had a ship ready and blew up mine by "mistake" but anyways we jumped in the ship and went to Chao Planet where we then fighted Nazo who launched a laser beam at Sani stroking her in the stomach.Me,Zero & Eun launched our elemental powers at Nazo affecting him alittle but he escaped on his ship and went to Planet Mobius.After healing Sani we entered our ship and went to Planet Mobius were we met Sonic & Tails and discovered three islands were we all got our full elemental powers and then we kicked Nazo's ass.we said goodbye to our two heroes and followed Nazo a planet named "Planet Htrae" were we all put our powers together and killed Nazo in his most powerful form!Then we all returned home and Zero went to his own time.

[CitrusCat]

OP much. Kicking and Ice powers in a game of karate?

Yeah. WAY too powerful for a chao.

Come on, give him a break. It's his story. :(

[Snowy]

Snowy's POV The Time Collapse SAGA credit to ChaosNachoChao ((for those who were in this Rp i know i din't meet some of your chao but i am just twisting it a little okay?))
A Few Months Later After The Events Of The Nazo SAGA...

One day while my new best friend Jake the Tails chao,who's a blue Tails chao,was building a time traveling bracelet for me so i could travel through time.After he finished i put the bracelet on my right wrist and pushed a button and a few minutes later i made it to a time where time was collapsing.I entered a portal and i met with my old rival Zero the chao with his classic self and i also met some other chao named Cora,Star,Luna,Flora,Kawaii,Sai,Kiri,Vesporal,Ragweed,Neuron,Reiven,Aimi,Minoru,Saffron,Sienna,Servaas,Cyril,Wink,Vesta,Torrent & Trevor.After we all met we went to cave where there was this misterious cave where you can wish people you lost back to life if love was involved.I thought about Emma and i asked the guardians of the fountain if i could wish him back to life and they said i could and as soon as she came back i kissed her and after that we had umm some unfinished egg business hehe...After a while we got out of the cave and my rival Zero started fighting some one of the chao i met but i don't his name yet,i tried to stop them but Zero punched me out of the fight so i joined the fight but this time i was kicked put literally so i gave up and joined the group so we could wait until Zero and the other chao finished their fight.Then we went to a hero garden where we then saw a place were demons roared and tried to attack us.That's were me and Emma left and then came Chappy.

Chappy's POV
After some dramatic scenes and fight against some demons we got out of their and went into a castle of time we're we fighted the guardian of chao:Chaos.He killed me and my friend but then we came back thanks to Zero.Then I left to my own time and then my father came back

Snowy's POV
After i appeared where the others were we kept walking until some black liquid turned almost everybody evil and we fighted eachother but then a new chao Chaolin and Luna used their powers to change everybody back to normal and then Zero was following his classic self becuase he turned evil or something and took Luna i think...Meh i didn't care i was too busy talking with my new rival Chaolin about me being immature and that i was annoying well then i told her i was enjoying my childhood since i didn't have one...

[Crash32]

povpovpovpov

[Snowy]

Do you even know what it stands for?

[mintdrop]

You really need to space out your writing a lot more. Commas and the spacebar are your friend.
Right now it's squashed together and harder to read.

[Snowy]

Saving The Land Of The Sky SAGA coming soon...

[KeatonLabs]

This sounds interesting

[KeatonLabs]

Good work snowy!Just a few punctuation fixes are needed...

[Snowy]

The Final Fight SAGA.
Snowy's POV
I was time traveling through the TT warp hole. When GUNFC called me and told me about Chaos' plan to rule the world on this timeline on which I was gonna go on to. When I got there I met some new chao, but Zero the Chao was there aswell. We didn't get along for awhile and then boom, Chaos appeared. I sended all the chao away from this location to another and I fought Chaos. I won, and brought back those Chao and peace was restored.

[Zacmac74]

I'm not sure if you want any feedback, but right off the bat I can tell you that shortening sentences and proper punctuation would both be good ideas. I can help with some of it if you'd like me to.

[RileyTheChao123]

This is some pretty awesome sauce! but yes, commas and the space bar are your BEST FREIND ok? Otherwise very good!

[KeatonLabs]

Saving The Land Of The Sky SAGA coming soon...

I guess we are waiting for it to end?Because soon is gone.

[eblu]

I know this has been inactive right now, but it would be awesome if you added on to the Time Collapse saga.