My Father's Day Poem

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Should I write more?

Yes, I want to read it!
0
No votes
Yes, whatever you want to do.
2
50%
No, you are not that good.
0
No votes
No, poetry is a waste of time. Go play football.
2
50%
 
Total votes: 4

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Nintendawg
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My Father's Day Poem

Post by Nintendawg »

I wrote this and I want thoughts on it as a poem. To see if I still can write good poetry and if I should do more. This was my rough draft. The final version is on the card my Dad has somewhere.
Spoiler:
You've been the best dad, unlike any other
As long as I have you, I don't need a brother
For an old guy, you're actually pretty cool
For the awesome ways you stay oldschool

The strongest person I know, body and mind
So rough and tough, yet so kind
A lot of strength you provide for you and me
As well as security and love for your whole family

The times passes by, I do not say
My gratitudes I often forget to pay
Know I am greatful when you guide my way
For your support, care, and love
Happy Father's Day
- Love, Nate
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SkyGinge
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Re: My Father's Day Poem

Post by SkyGinge »

Hello Dawg, sorry if this is a little naf, I'm a bit rusty at this!

My first impression is that I would want to see more before deciding if you should do more poetry (which, of course is up to you, and I wouldn't let a poetry hating Ginger n00b alter your decisions) is to try something maybe a bit longer and more serious. The poem works well for say a fathers day card (and I bet your Dad loved it :')) but in order for poetry to be judged by reviewers properly you should probably write something a little more complex and metaphorical.

I'd also focus on getting a slightly better over all flow in terms of rhythm. But it does make sense as a poem.

Anyhow, I'm no poetry master anyway, in fact poetry is one of my greatest hates. But I'd definitely continue writing, perhaps as I suggested. Cheers for the poem and happy belated fathers day to your Dad!
PM me if you have any piece of writing that you want reviewed, I'll do my best to help you out!

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Lamby
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Re: My Father's Day Poem

Post by Lamby »

^The complexity of a poem has little, if anything, to do with the ability to review it. The more focused and succinct poetry is, the better. The more complex a poem is, the easier it is to write empty words, lose your focus, or even distort the theme.

@Nintendawg: Please continue making poetry. You have a very down to earth writing style, and I think your words could appeal to the average person better than some more flowery poems. The rhythm is great. I also like the impact of five lines in the last stanza.
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SkyGinge
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Re: My Father's Day Poem

Post by SkyGinge »

^No, of course not as we both managed to review it. I was suggesting that in order to judge other common features of poetry he should try to use them next time.

Anyhow, I agree with everything else AB has said, apart from I personally thought the rhythm needed a little bit more work, but AB is much more knowledgable in what makes a good poem conpared to me. Ah well, I suppose that just goes to show that different people interpret and like/dislike different things even in the same poem.
PM me if you have any piece of writing that you want reviewed, I'll do my best to help you out!

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