~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Background~

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~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Background~

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Hey everyone! Since a lot of people have been writing stories, it's inspired me to start my own story! It's mostly a pre-written story, so I hope you all enjoy it~! :3

What The story is About:
Spoiler:
This is the story of My Chao Character, Destiny, and her background.

This time plot is when she is still a child chao, so its basically her biography.

here she is growing up in a rough city, not knowing much about her father and being curious to learn more. When she gets the chance to learn more about her parents, it gets her into trouble. Find out what happens!
Prologue:
Spoiler:
Picture a dark, stormy night, in a large, colorful city. All seems well, it is cold and windy but peaceful.

and now, for your enjoyment...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a dark, stormy night...

A chao ran through the city streets. The harsh rain poured down on him without mercy. The street wet, it only helped to make him more agile and quick. The wind rushed against him as he chased after another chao; her cape and hood blowing violently. The sheer force of the wind caused them both to wince in the cold. Eventually, the chase gave way, and she abruptly stopped. The low lights of the surrounding buildings fading. The rain blurred her vision as she turned to face him.

"Why don't you leave?" she questioned, a cold, hurting crack in her voice. There was a glare in her blue eyes, as she watched him approach her slowly, a look of sentiment and worry in his glance.

"I didn't mean to make any of this happen..." he said, staring at the wet sidewalk they stood on, "I didn't mean anything I said before...I'm truly sorry." He looked up once more, to see her face shift from a hateful glare, to a forgiving frown. She didn't actually forgive him though...She simply felt sorry what she had been through with him. The hatred, the loving glances, the rainy chases, the conversations...

This wasn't at all the first time he had pulled a stunt like this, he had done many things wrong multiple times. She constantly tried to make him leave, but every time, she would fall for him again. This time though, it felt different...

"I can't." she said plainly, any emotion in her voice couldn't be heard. No expressions were see-able, and you couldn't tell how she felt.

"You can't what?" he forced. The answer was there, but she wouldn't say it. He knew it was there, the words that said she would forgive him and love him again, and he wanted to hear them, even if they didn't have any emotion. "Tell me." His voice was sinister.

She clenched her fists, closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She didn't want to put up with the same thing over and over any longer. This was the last time. "I can't be with you okay?!" she half-yelled. "Don't you get it already?!" Tears began to well up in her eyes, "I can't love someone evil..."

Silence. The two chao stared at one another quietly. The rain seemed to pour harder, the wind nearly stopped, and the city lights faded into the background. All they could sense was one another.

"Kiana..." he began, walking closer, "No... you don't have to be with me..." A faint smile appeared on his shiny red face. "Just..." He began to lean towards her, her shiny sky-blue coloring reflecting off his chin. He eyed her lovingly, going in for a kiss, only to get unexpectedly rejected and pushed away. "Enough of this!" she shouted, "Yancha I can't!" she glared. "I finally know what you wanted! you wanted me to side with you, be evil just like you and raise the kids to cause ruin! Well I won't let you! You're not allowed to come near me anymore!" she turned away, and stormed off. "I don't care what you try to do! You're not going to make my family evil."

He watched her storm off, completely shocked and surprised, but also furious and angry. He was the god of evil! His family finally decided that they didn't want to side with him? How dare they? A sly grin appeared on his face as he turned around and hovered away. "That's how they want to play now?" he asked himself aloud, "so be it."

As the dark/fly chao arrived home, she was relived to find her two children asleep on the sofa. She gave a sigh of relief. Kiana walked into her room, getting ready to drift off to sleep as well, before her window suddenly broke open, and she was kidnapped.

Yancha knew that his daughter would someday stop him from causing havoc, and he hated not being able to raise her not to. There was one way though. And that would be to get her mother to side with him and have the kids side with him as well.

That's what he planned to do, and nothing was going to stop him.
Chapter 1&2:
Spoiler:
Morning was dawning over the chao city, light from the sun eagerly creeping it's way through every window, every tiny crack it could find, and filling the space with sunlight. The rays of warmth seeped their way into my home, and were teasingly shining on my face as I tried to get some more rest. I probably shouldn't have fallen asleep beside the window, but it's far too late for that now.

I stirred a bit, hoping that the light on my face would somehow just magically go away, but as usual, it didn't work. I blinked my eyes open as I glanced over at the other side of the sofa, where my brother, Dynamo, slept soundly. Lucky him. At least he didn't pick the spot next to the window. I gave an irritated groan as I sat up and stretched my arms out. My vision spun a little, as my body adjusted to my sudden awakening. I blinked hard a few times to wake myself up.

I groggily slipped off the couch and wandered into the kitchen. My mom would usually be cooking breakfast at this time, but for some strange reason, she wasn't there. I raised a brow and glanced around the kitchen again, double checking as if I had missed her the first time around. Nope, still not there. I walked into the hallway, glancing at the various photos of my mother, brother, and I. Only one photo featured my father, whom I knew very little to nothing about. I found this to be quite scary. It was as if she was purposely trying to hide us from him. When I arrived at my mother's bedroom, my gently pushed on the door, just in case she might have still been asleep, and peered in. From my angle, it was hard to tell whether or not she was in the bed, so I pushed the door in some more, and walked closer for a better view. I stared for a moment, before realizing she wasn't there. I gave a huff of disappointment. She wasn't in the house! I felt my stomach sink into that paranoid feeling where you feel like someone is watching you. I looked around, then quickly speed walked back to the sofa where my brother was.

I gulped, approaching him slowly, yet hurriedly. He was still asleep. Then, hesitantly, I began shaking him. "Dynamo?" I shouted in a whisper.

"Huh? W-Wha-?" He asked, eyes half open and looking around startled.

"Dynamo!" I repeated.

He gave a sleepy glare, "What's wrong Destiny?" he muttered, obviously upset that I had disturbed him.

"I can't find mom. I looked around the house but she's not here." I explained, backing away as to give my brother some space.

"She's...not here?" he asked, a frown appearing on his face. Now he seemed to have woken up fully.

I nodded in response. "Come on little bro, help me find her." Although we were both still child chao, we were both confident that we could care for ourselves without either of our parents. It had been like this for a few years, Often times or mother would come and go, which had us alone frequently. We managed to adjust anyway.

Dynamo pushed himself off the couch, rushed into our room, grabbed his backpack, and met me at the front door. He gave a smile. "Ready when you are."

I smiled and nodded back, opening the door and bracing myself to be prepared for the city ahead. although we could watch after ourselves, we needed guidance from our mother to survive. Without her, we're gonners.

I knew we could find her. No problem...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was about ten in the morning. My brother, Dynamo, and I, were walking through the streets. The wind was blowing gently and the cars were busy, leaving the scent of musty gasoline in the air as they sped by. Litter was just about anywhere you looked, but we didn't care. This was our home city. Polluted and nasty, but, where else were we to go? I huffed out a grunt of distress. So far, mother was nowhere to be found. Both of us were becoming more and more hopeless. We continued lingering around the streets, looking around for any sign of mother, until we reached a spot where many violent chao were known to live.

We both stopped immediately. Mother had taught us which places we could go and which places we could not go over the months, and this was definitely a no-go zone. Dynamo frowned, his head drooping in disappointment and anger. "Darn..." he muttered to me, kicking his feet at the ground he stood on. I was upset too. We had come all this way, only to be stopped by an invisible boundary, a dome that wouldn't let us pass. We knew it wasn't actually there, but in our hearts, it was impassible and stopped us in our tracks every time.

"Destiny..." he began, glaring at the street ahead of us fiercely, "We need to keep going." There was a tone in his voice, one that had determination that I had never heard before. I could easily tell that he had a fire burning within him. One that if it couldn't be released, it would surely explode.

I frowned, looking at him in worry. I completely agreed. We should absolutely continue! but I was just too weak and fragile to continue on, and saying yes seemed much easier than actually understanding and staying to what I had said. "We can't." I said plainly, watching him uncurl his fists and lose all the pent up determination he showed. Something within me sank. It was as if we had lost all hope of even coming close to finding our mom. I was sure he felt it too.

I motioned to him, and with that, we headed back towards the house, passing the litter, the cars, the buildings. Just about anything you would find in any city. I would glance at my brother from time to time, seeing how aware and vigilant he acted. I was never as worried as him, but deep down inside, I was terrified of everything. I would constantly bicker about the possibilities. What if Mom was hurt? What if somechao just ambushed us suddenly? What if our father is dead? How will we survive these times?

I shook my head, these fears just never ceased to confuse me.

My brother caught a glance of my head shake, and tilted his head, slightly squinting his eyes at me. "You alright?" he asked, giving me a peculiar look.

I flustered, quickly nodding my head and waving my hands. "Yeah! Yeah!" I'm fine." He didn't believe me, I could tell from that sarcastic face he gave me. "Destiny." he commanded, "Spill it."

I sighed, turning to face the ground and rubbing my head. "I've just been thinking..." I closed my eyes and took a soothing breath, before continuing. "Maybe mom got back home while we were out?" I lied, trying my best to act natural. I didn't want to worry or upset him in anyway.

At first, he didn't react at all. He just looked into my eyes, and said nothing. After a few seconds, he looked away and frowned. "You're scared." he said.

I was unsure if I had heard him correctly, almost tempted to ask him to repeat himself, but his words echoed in my head, gradually becoming clearer. A, "H-how did you know...?" was all I managed to sputter out.

He gave a small shrug, looking at the road ahead. "I dunno." he said quietly, "I guess I just knew, because, I was scared too."

A faint smile formed at the corner of my mouth. He was so honest, and I knew I could always trust him. "Dynamo, I promise that no matter what, i'll always be here for you." I watched him smile and nod. "Same here." he agreed, "I promise."

We hugged, and walked the rest of the home. When we arrived, I felt a sweet relief wash over me, although mother was still missing. I suddenly heard my brother call out to me from the kitchen. "Come see this!" he said.

I rushed over, unsure of whether he was worried or excited. When I approached him, he had a slip of paper in his paws, some words written on it with red ink. "Look..." he handed me the note, which I read aloud.

"Dearest children,

Your mother is safe with me, do not fear. I request that you come visit us, we are missing you dearly. There is a map behind the photo of me in the hallway. Arrive at the destination promptly at five this afternoon.

Sincerely,
Your Father. "

Dynamo raised a brow, "We've never even met our father!" he exclaimed. "How did he leave us this note?"

I shrugged, a strange feeling of eeriness washing over me. "Let's find that map..."

We went into the hallway, pulled the only photo our dad was in off the wall, and sure enough, there was a map behind it. We looked at the map and studied it, learning that the destination was on a Hill about five blocks away from where we lived. "Is this a good idea?" Dynamo asked worriedly.

I nodded, "We need to find our mom." I now had the determination to set out and find mother. Even if it was dangerous. My brother nodded back. We decided that we would prepare for a while before going out.

We were ready for anything.
Last edited by NachoThePikachu on Mon Jul 22, 2013 8:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by KeatonLabs »

I like it!Its well written and easy to follow.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Phew! Thanks! I'm glad. :3
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by KeatonLabs »

Your welcome!
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by The Ice Maiden »

oh my goodness.
I absolutely hate Yancha.
How DARE he?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Anywho, great job! :)
peace out ci
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by Tri »

I have to say, the imagery is amazing!
This is a REALLY old avatar, so thanks to SonicRainboom!

I finally got a deviantart! Only one drawing now, but check it out!
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by kantu »

Spoiler:
WAT.

Kiana and Yancha are Destiny's parents? I thought Saving The Chao Garden was forever in the past. Maybe theyre Luna's parents...? Or maybe all of her past reincarnations died very young. Probably not.. I'm confused... :no:
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by KeatonLabs »

^what? Yancha time travels just so you know.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by reshiramchao »

whos yancha... and kiana? are these like famous chao from the past?
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by kantu »

^They are part of an Rp that a lot of people are in.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Sorry guys, I got lazy and forgot to put the next parts up.

Lemme...just...

Gimme a few mins. :3
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by reshiramchao »

kantu wrote:^They are part of an Rp that a lot of people are in.
oh okay thanks
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Chapters one and two are up.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by kantu »

Are you putting other people's Rp charries in this story? If so, could you pleeeaaase put Pebbles in the story...?
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by Lamby »

Alright, first off, I think your writing is just delightful, but I'll be going through that at the end of the post, so don't feel like there is anything horrible about your story and felt like I had to be critical first, I just think it's more uplifting to save the compliments for last.

Advice:
Spoiler:
chaosnachochao wrote: Picture a dark, stormy night, in a large, colorful city. All seems well, it is cold and windy but peaceful.
Confidence, missy! Don't feel like you have to set the scene before you write. Normally people do this because their descriptive skills need development and they're trying to skip actually describing the setting, but you describe this clearly right underneath it, so you would be perfectly safe omitting it if you want.
The wind rushed against him as he chased after another chao; her cape and hood blowing violently.


Remember that what follows a semi-colon should be a complete thought. You should use a different mark, in this case a comma, otherwise.
The low lights of the surrounding buildings fading.
Whoops. I think you accidentally wrote an incomplete sentence.
"Why don't you leave?" she questioned, a cold, hurting crack in her voice.
When you use the word questioned, a noun or pronoun or object should always follow. So in this case, "she questioned him," unless you used the word asked, which can be used without an object after it
"I can't." she said plainly, any emotion in her voice couldn't be heard.
See how the bolded part is a complete thought? Now you use a semi-colon instead of the comma.

My only other advice is to check your subject-verb agreement and your punctuation. I remember you writing she flustered. Flustered can be a verb, but you either have to fluster something or something must fluster you; you cannot fluster yourself. You can only become flustered. Does that make sense?
All that said, your description is wonderful and you set the mood very clearly. I could see and feel what your characters did. Your characters are also fleshed out and behave realistically for chao that act like people. You have first person down pat. I am overall very impressed and hope I see you write again! If you ever need any advice, you can PM me.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Thanks Mr. Bat!

:3

I dunno If i will be including other Characters, because this is her background, so If Pebbles was in her background life, it might mess things up.
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Post by KeatonLabs »

Very good job nacho!I like the first person your doing with it!
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Thanks. :3
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by kantu »

chaosnachochao wrote:Thanks Mr. Bat!

:3

I dunno If i will be including other Characters, because this is her background, so If Pebbles was in her background life, it might mess things up.
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by KeatonLabs »

Is this still on?
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Re: ~Chao Story: "A True Destiny awaits." Destiny's Backgrou

Post by kantu »

Idk.
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