Creepypasta- Pokemon: Cursed Yellow (LOCK THIS)

[XSonicX]

Alright, this was my very first creepypasta, so don't expect it to be too good. I tried to have as few cliché parts as possible, and I think I did a pretty good job not mentioning blood too many times. Well anyway, here it is. Read it and let me know what you think. NO FLAMES.

It starts by the player looking threw his Game Boy games he'd saved for a while. He eventually took out a yellow pokemon cartridge, and decided to play it for the first time even though he's had it all these years. When the player put it into his GBASP and turned it on, the game worked perfectly fine, and also seemed to be fine as the story progressed in the game.... Until he reached Lavender Town. Every few minutes, the player heard faint noices of what sounded like his Pikachu whimpering, which was odd, because usually Pikachu doesn't make any sound unless you talk to him. Unsure if it was actually their Pikachu or not, they decided to turn around and talk to him. And to their surprise, Pikachu had a very unusual expression on his face, one that the player had never seen before. Pikachu looked very creeped out and scared, with huge wide eyes, shivering with fear. Shockingly, Pikachu started to try and drag the player out of that town, but just simply let go after a second. Confused, the player just overlooked it. This town was already creepy to begin with, so it didn't seem weird at the time. A few hours later, after obtaining the silph scope, the player headed back to Lavender Town. When he entered the tower, instead of hearing whimpering, this time he heard crying. He looked back too see his Pikachu crying..... blood. Startled and shocked from this, the player went up a few floors, then checked on his Pikachu again. This time, Pikachu appeared to be depressed, scared, stressed, and tugged at the player, apparently trying to get them to leave still, but was hopeless. This time the player realized that this wasn't right. Pikachu doesn't do that in this game, he had watched a friend play this before. He tried to turn off the game, but right before he did, a text box appeared, saying "You're wrong if you think you can escape the curse!" The screen cut to black for a second, before the battle screen appeared, flickering a few times. Right in front of him was Ghost. And the battle music wasn't playing. The Lavender Town music was playing. The player was creeped out now. He commanded Pikachu to use thunderbolt, but it said he was too scared to move! But the player had the silph scope! How can this be? Ghost used curse, making the whole screen cut to black. All that could be heard were what seemed to be Pikachu screech in terror. You could hear the ghost's demonic laugh in the background. The player tried turning the GBASP off, but the switch wouldn't budge. He couldn't stand the music, but the volume switch would only make it louder. The screen cut back to the battle. Pikachu fell to the ground, and the text box said "No one can save you now." And Ghost went after the player, the screen cutting to black, with the screeching and demonic laugh once again. Terrified, the player once more tried to turn off the game. Unsuccessful, he threw his GBASP, making it hit the wall, and fall on the ground. That night, the player kept having nightmares about himself being choked, being haunted by Ghost, hanging himself, and the depressed Pikachu crying blood. He was exhausted the next morning, and barely got any sleep. He decided that a nice day of television would get his mind off of that. Grabbing the remote and pressing the power button, he was terrified to see Ghost on his screen, with words below him saying "You won't get away..." Demonic laughing could be heard from Ghost. The player ran away from the television, scared to death. He kept have the same nightmares happen to him for a few years, and Ghost would always curse him with the same suicide dreams. The player couldn't take it anymore, so he hanged himself in his basement.

[ςθηιс]

I think it's pretty good for your first one.

[ShadriaFan]

don't take this as rude but
1. Lavender Town has been used to death, its just not that creepy anymore
2. you used 'They' and 'their' when it's just one person
3. blood in kid friendly games has been used to death
4. it seems rushed in a way, doesn't really describe the weird moments really well, just the basic 'he looked scared' kind of thing, maybe a describiton on how the sprite itself looked...?
5. the ending excalated quickly
6. it would have been interesting to see what happened to the player as the years went by; did he go insane, did he tell anyone, was he in a mental ward for a while? Did no one believe him and left him in his fear?

sorry about all the negatives, I've been watching SomeOrdinaryGamers way too much and have seen most if not all the creepypasta ep and know most of the clichés. It does sound like it could have been a ok pastaa if it was just abit longer with details. I just want this to be seen as critisim. ok?

[Crash32]

he hanged himself
HEY THAT'S SUCH A GREAT HAPPY ENDING BECAUSE
'he hung himself'
WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BAD ENDING

[ςθηιс]

Wow Crash32. XD

[EvilPinkamina]

I imagined YuriOfWind reading this for one of his ******** creepypastas. It was quite entertaining.

[Crash32]

^ahaha

[XSonicX]

I asked you what you thought about the creepypasta. I did not tell you to put down rude comments.

[EvilPinkamina]

That was my thought, and I sugar coated that.

[Snowy]

They're just giving you constructive criticism with a touch of CI.

[ShadriaFan]

sorry if mine looked rude, I did state that I was trying to only critize. Users here aren't very kind when it comes to critizing on writing/artwork. :I Some are kind at it, others aren't, and some have trouble to appear nice when pointing out flaws like me.

[Dr. Roivas]

...you wanna know what i think

i think this story is lame as all hell. everything about this story has been done to death and what hasnt been done to death, which would maybe be the inclusion of pikachu, maybe, is still immensely boring.

0/10 would not bang

[XSonicX]

I did not ask for flames.

[EvilPinkamina]

^That was his thoughts. Flaming would be this: "OMG U SUK U N00B GO 2 HELL YOU WAST UV SPAZE ALSO I DID UR MOM lAS NITE HUEHUEHUE UR A HOMOFAG G DIE

[XSonicX]

That was flaming. I didn't ask for you to come on here and support their flaming. ShadriaFan appears to be the only one who can give me a nice opinion on it.

[EvilPinkamina]

What I posted was an example. Vince was sharing his thoughts, they might not have been critique, but they were his thoughts, which is what you asked for here:

I asked you what you thought about the creepypasta. I did not tell you to put down rude comments.

[ShadriaFan]

he was only describing what real flaming looked like! >.< He was not flaming, or supporting flaming he was only showing what flaming looked like. Roivas might have appeared rude but it was his opinion, not flaming. Flaming is going out and saying mean things about the user, not the story. Did he say anything mean about you? No. He said what he disliked about your creepypasta but not you. We have seen many many creepy pastas, and Roivas has seen a lot, I bet. He was just stating the flaws, a bit in his harsh style. Older users here have a harsher response to things as they have seen stuff like this here for years. Now calm down. no flaming at you has happened.

[XSonicX]

He was flaming. From this point on, anymore flaming will be reported.

And we are here to talk about the creepypasta, not flaming. Anymore posts about it will be reported.

↓Reported due to being off topic.

[EvilPinkamina]

Welcome to the Internet.

[Dr. Roivas]

ok.

i uh.

ok.

its p clear you dont actually know what flaming is.

i was talking about the creepypasta. i was stating my opinion. albeit i was rather harsh, but i def was not flaming.

[Crash32]

bad review = flaming

[Maple]

Locked by request.

Also, while some of the reviews weren't nice, they were just giving their honest opinions on your story. There was very little flaming in this topic.