Creepypasta- Petz: Dead Dogz

[XSonicX]

This is my second creepy pasta. As you can tell, it's based off of the game Petz. I decided to do one on this game mainly because I haven't heard of any other Petz creepypastas. Shocklingly, this story actually scared someone on a different site and they said they would never play Nintendogs again (since the game is similar). So, enjoy...... I guess!

I just got home from Game Stop, excited to play Petz, the new game I bought. Without any delay, I quickly took the game out of the case and put it in my DS. Unfortunately, there was only one breed to choose. The chocolate lab. At the naming screen, I named her Brownie. I was eager to train my dog using the agility course and play catch with her. When Brownie came home, she was not in the usual spot dogs are usually in when you first enter your house. She was nowhere to be seen. Until the game started to idol, the camera going to an area in my house where apparently Brownie was. She wouldn't look me in the eye, she was actually just looking down at the floor. I was a little surprised by this, but I figured that she's probably nervous about her new home. She then layed on the ground, on her side, and I could finally see her...... face? She looked..... lifeless! Her eyes were completely white, with no pupils. She looked right at me then, and growled, showing her sharp fangs. I was creeped out now. "This is not supposed to be part of the game." I thought to myself. Then, her expression quickly changed to a hopeless, depressed look. She was whimpering. Finally, a thinking cloud popped up from her. Inside of it was a skull, with crossbones underneath it. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A text box popped up, and all it said was yes or no. I chose no, but nothing happened. My only other choice was yes. As much as I wanted to turn off the game, I was also curious to see what would happen. Right after I pressed A on yes, Brownie lunged right at me. The screen flickered a few times, then cut to black. I waited what seemed like five minutes waiting. Finally, it was showing something on the screen. The music sounded so demonic and souded like it was music being played backwards. I was stunned, not able to move for a few seconds. My house was on fire! The walls and some of the broken chairs were smeared with blood. I looked through a window and noticed the sky was red, with jet black clouds. It looked like there were several dogs right outside my window. Some had missing legs, eyes, ears, it was horrible. It seemed like they were all trying to get in my house! My dog, Brownie, was standing in some of the fire, staring at me. She had an eye missing, and was completely unharmed by the fire! Very slowly, she walked over to me, holding a gun in her mouth. She was giving me the gun, right when a text box appeared, saying "PLEASE KILL ME." I just sat there, looking at Brownie. I sat there long enough to see the zombie dogs break the door wall window. Another text box popped up, saying "HURRY." Without pressing anything, the trigger was pulled and shot her in the head. I watched in horror as her lifeless body fell on the ground, turning into ash. The screen flickered red and black a few times, then eventually cut to black. Words appeared: "WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?" The DS then shut itself off. I immediately took the game out and went to return it to the store, but Game Stop was nowhere in sight. I asked someone where a Game Stop was around here, but they told me there hasn't been a Game Stop in that store plaza for a 6 years...

[Ommy]

I'm sorry but how is this scary

[ςθηιс]

Seems a bit random on some parts.... But overall, another okay creepypasta.

[ShadriaFan]

sounds very similar to a Nintendogz pastaa called Noodles.
Idol...you mean idle.
I only own Petz: Dogz on the GBA so I don't know about the DS version....

[ςθηιс]

Actually, I think this creepypasta differs a lot from the Noodles one.

[Gold Omochao]

This is nothing that is scary.

[reshiramchao]

I got scared... I am 12 though... 0.0

[XSonicX]

Gold Omocho, I did not ask you to post rude pictures, I asked for your opinion on it. There are much more mature ways to post your opinion.

[Crash32]

Why would it say "PLEASE KILL ME, HURRY" then after some overused screen-flickering "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS".

Must have been one stupid dog.

[Prince Ricard]

More of a crappypasta, to be honest.

[Doctor! Doctor!]

To be honest its extremely generic which ruins any creepiness that could possibly come from it. Just because BEN DROWNED could do it right doesn't mean you can. Then again, its only your second one. Don't let this put you down and try to improve on your writing. Even the best writers need to start from somewhere crappy.

[Speeps]

While I do admit the pasta is lacking, I'm not just going to sit back and plain out insult you over it.

An overabundance of blood and gore for no reason in a game does not make it creepy to the reader due to how overdone blood simply is today. If you take a look at widely popular pastas. Yes, they sometimes use blood and gore but they don't revolve the entire story around somebody just seeing blood and gore everywhere they go. They use certain techniques to make the reader feel unsafe and paranoid, which is what makes these creepypastas so fantastic to read. (An easy example of this is that in any plausible ritual pasta they writer makes the effects sound so real that it makes the reader geniunely scared to follow the instructions, even though the instructions are completely false)

You also need to work on your structure a lot, the fact that the story is all bundled into one paragraph makes it very hard to read and gives the reader no information to actually motivate them to read the story in the first place.

You need to make sure that the reader knows all the relevant details about the plot and backstory in your story before the climax or the reader will either be confused or just facepalm to themselves from the writer not constructing a good climax (The gamestop store in your story was only referenced in the beginning and had no relevance until the last sentence of the story, which makes the reader wonder why the gamestop as even mentioned in the first place. Not to mention the game's reason for blaming this bloody incident on some random guy who happened to pick up the game, which is a huge flaw in almost every video game creepypasta that needs to be clarified upon.)

Finally, you should probably choose a better game than something like Petz when dealing with blood, it just makes the reader laugh upon seeing that somebody would try to make a game in that genre into a bloody mess.

I'd suggest reading up on other people's creepypasta as well as some crappypasta stories to allow you to recognise the flaws in each of the crappypastas in order for you to avoid doing the same.