Ahem, hello readers, I just want to start off by saying this will be my first piece of writing that I've ever released to the public. in you knowing that I trust that you will give some constructive criticism, and be honest. if it its crap syrup on poo-poo pancakes, tell me so.
that being said lets get started.
lost eternally: An adventure through a child's mind
our story starts in the brain of a young boy named benny, who happens to be schizophrenic. young ben never had the best of luck, or even the best of friends. Billy's condition never allowed him to have friends for long, either he would confuse and scare them or he would be shipped off to a new school, where he would have to start again. lets not get to in-depth with his outside life, because reader, he is in the hospital, a poor accident that the boy caused.
this is where I stop for now, I would like some feedback on this paragraph, and if its good, or at least average, I will continue.
Lost Eternaly
Lost Eternaly
Papa Pia
-
cinnamonstyx
- Veteran Chao
- Posts: 1571
- Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2011 2:56 am
Re: Lost Eternaly
Great!
lets get started with chapter the first!
dear reader, my imaginative little turnip, we are going to start our story with the complete chronicle of his everyday morning, and slightly more into his non-everyday morning. surprisingly these occur on the same day. benny seemed to have troubles with night terror, the unfortunate boy never got a decent rest. this particular night consisted of a big mouth coming to take him from his family, incidentally the night before he happened to have stolen food from a kid in the lunchroom without them watching. benny screams which wakes up his tired parents that are at their upmost end, but patience and love is how you treat these things. with the complete charge of a barrel full of explosive bananas, he shoots up and immediately attacks his father that had stepped in the room. but his tiny 8 year old fists do nothing to the towering muscle of his dad. the man kneels and embraces the boy, who had started to calm down. all this before he's even showered, oh my.
lets get started with chapter the first!
dear reader, my imaginative little turnip, we are going to start our story with the complete chronicle of his everyday morning, and slightly more into his non-everyday morning. surprisingly these occur on the same day. benny seemed to have troubles with night terror, the unfortunate boy never got a decent rest. this particular night consisted of a big mouth coming to take him from his family, incidentally the night before he happened to have stolen food from a kid in the lunchroom without them watching. benny screams which wakes up his tired parents that are at their upmost end, but patience and love is how you treat these things. with the complete charge of a barrel full of explosive bananas, he shoots up and immediately attacks his father that had stepped in the room. but his tiny 8 year old fists do nothing to the towering muscle of his dad. the man kneels and embraces the boy, who had started to calm down. all this before he's even showered, oh my.
Papa Pia