The Human That Met A Chao
- SilverRabbit
- Fearless Chao
- Posts: 688
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 6:13 pm
- Motto: We're going to the ark, so I guess that means we- crud
- Location: Tea Land
- Contact:
The Human That Met A Chao
Characters(You may suggest a character for me to use that is yours):
Savannah(Human)
Jason(Human)
Clipz(Timid Newborn Chao)
Sarah(???)
Kosmo(Jason's Chao)
CHAPTER ONE:
One day a young girl named Savannah was playing in her room. She was very lonely and homestuck because she lived in a private place where nobody else was aloud to visit without permission. Then she went to play near some concrete walls. Savannah looked in a bush because she had dropped a toy in there and she found an egg she looked at it with curiosity then the egg began to shake. Savannah waited until the egg had stopped shaking and then a little timid Chao popped out, it was absolutely frightened then Savannah patted the Chao's head and the Chao looked like it was admiring her doing that. The little Chao jumped up onto Savannah's shoulder and looked happy then she thought of what her mum and dad had said "You are not aloud any pets!" she thought really hard and then realised her mum and dad may say that about her little Chao. Savannah decided to name the somewhat timid Chao "Clipz" She knew that the little creature was a Chao since she had played on SA2B.
CHAPTER TWO:
Clipz followed her into the garden and then Savannah had noticed Clipz behind her and said "i'm sorry my mum and dad would freak out if I brought you inside." So she decided to hide Clipz behind the garbage bins then she went inside the car since she was going to see her friend, Jason. Her mum got the car started up the engine made a huge clunk noise then she realised the car had broke down so she told her mum and dad she knew this wasn't good. Savannah's mum said "We are going to have to go into my van." and her dad agreed so they went off to Jason's house after a 20 minute drive and her dad getting a parking ticket for speeding. Jason saw Savannah and said "Hey, Sav." and Savannah said "Yo, Jason." and then Savannah and Jason went inside up to Jason's bedroom and then Savannah said "I have something to talk about." Jason looked at Savannah with curiosity and Savannah said "I have a real life Chao." Jason looked at her with eyes wide open in surprise and said "Are you imagining things?!" Jason said. "Not at all I felt him and I named him Clipz." "I believe you." said Jason.
CHAPTER THREE:
Savannah leaded Jason to her Chao she found out that Clipz had disappeared. Savannah went looking but still couldn't find her. Savannah began to cry and then Jason saw the little Chao that Savannah had mentioned about then Jason said "Look there's your Chao." Savannah stopped crying, looked at Clipz then got hold of him really tight. Clipz looked worried about something he had never looked nervous like when he was just out of his egg. Savannah thought that there must be big bully Chao around and she got worried. Jason looked at her and said "Don't worry, Savannah, we'll be fine." Savannah grimaced then saw a blue female hedgehog walking around she had beautiful clothes on and looked harmless. Savannah went near the hedgehog and asked "Who are you?" and the blue female hedgehog replied and said "I am Sarah." Savannah stared at her and looked very curiously then Sarah said "I'm a antromorphic hedgehog."
TO BE CONTINUED
Savannah(Human)
Jason(Human)
Clipz(Timid Newborn Chao)
Sarah(???)
Kosmo(Jason's Chao)
CHAPTER ONE:
One day a young girl named Savannah was playing in her room. She was very lonely and homestuck because she lived in a private place where nobody else was aloud to visit without permission. Then she went to play near some concrete walls. Savannah looked in a bush because she had dropped a toy in there and she found an egg she looked at it with curiosity then the egg began to shake. Savannah waited until the egg had stopped shaking and then a little timid Chao popped out, it was absolutely frightened then Savannah patted the Chao's head and the Chao looked like it was admiring her doing that. The little Chao jumped up onto Savannah's shoulder and looked happy then she thought of what her mum and dad had said "You are not aloud any pets!" she thought really hard and then realised her mum and dad may say that about her little Chao. Savannah decided to name the somewhat timid Chao "Clipz" She knew that the little creature was a Chao since she had played on SA2B.
CHAPTER TWO:
Clipz followed her into the garden and then Savannah had noticed Clipz behind her and said "i'm sorry my mum and dad would freak out if I brought you inside." So she decided to hide Clipz behind the garbage bins then she went inside the car since she was going to see her friend, Jason. Her mum got the car started up the engine made a huge clunk noise then she realised the car had broke down so she told her mum and dad she knew this wasn't good. Savannah's mum said "We are going to have to go into my van." and her dad agreed so they went off to Jason's house after a 20 minute drive and her dad getting a parking ticket for speeding. Jason saw Savannah and said "Hey, Sav." and Savannah said "Yo, Jason." and then Savannah and Jason went inside up to Jason's bedroom and then Savannah said "I have something to talk about." Jason looked at Savannah with curiosity and Savannah said "I have a real life Chao." Jason looked at her with eyes wide open in surprise and said "Are you imagining things?!" Jason said. "Not at all I felt him and I named him Clipz." "I believe you." said Jason.
CHAPTER THREE:
Savannah leaded Jason to her Chao she found out that Clipz had disappeared. Savannah went looking but still couldn't find her. Savannah began to cry and then Jason saw the little Chao that Savannah had mentioned about then Jason said "Look there's your Chao." Savannah stopped crying, looked at Clipz then got hold of him really tight. Clipz looked worried about something he had never looked nervous like when he was just out of his egg. Savannah thought that there must be big bully Chao around and she got worried. Jason looked at her and said "Don't worry, Savannah, we'll be fine." Savannah grimaced then saw a blue female hedgehog walking around she had beautiful clothes on and looked harmless. Savannah went near the hedgehog and asked "Who are you?" and the blue female hedgehog replied and said "I am Sarah." Savannah stared at her and looked very curiously then Sarah said "I'm a antromorphic hedgehog."
TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by SilverRabbit on Sun Jun 23, 2013 12:47 am, edited 7 times in total.
Weird person who likes cartoons, pink and video-games.
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
i told you about stairs bropokemonlove33 wrote:homestuck
i told you dawg
Last edited by eblu on Mon Jun 10, 2013 8:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- SilverRabbit
- Fearless Chao
- Posts: 688
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 6:13 pm
- Motto: We're going to the ark, so I guess that means we- crud
- Location: Tea Land
- Contact:
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
^
Pooped out XD whoops it was a typo i'll correct it immediately.
Ok I've changed it to popped :3
Pooped out XD whoops it was a typo i'll correct it immediately.
Ok I've changed it to popped :3
Weird person who likes cartoons, pink and video-games.
-
- Child Chao
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:39 pm
- Snowy
- Chaos Chao
- Posts: 2336
- Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2012 4:42 am
- Motto: Never look at your life as something insignificant.
- Contact:
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
ME ME! Make him 20% Cooler
-
- Child Chao
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:39 pm
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
And BTW can Jason have his own Chao named Kosmo? Pweeeeeeeeeeeez
- SilverRabbit
- Fearless Chao
- Posts: 688
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 6:13 pm
- Motto: We're going to the ark, so I guess that means we- crud
- Location: Tea Land
- Contact:
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
Ikr and of course what is the name of his Kosmo?Noisywheat wrote:Jason is like TOTALLY THE COOLEST GUY EVER!
Weird person who likes cartoons, pink and video-games.
-
- Child Chao
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Sat Jun 08, 2013 2:39 pm
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
Kosmo is duh name of duh Chaopokemonlove33 wrote:Ikr and of course what is the name of his Kosmo?Noisywheat wrote:Jason is like TOTALLY THE COOLEST GUY EVER!
- SilverRabbit
- Fearless Chao
- Posts: 688
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 6:13 pm
- Motto: We're going to the ark, so I guess that means we- crud
- Location: Tea Land
- Contact:
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
^
Oh, I didn't quite know that i'll edit the thing
Oh, I didn't quite know that i'll edit the thing
Weird person who likes cartoons, pink and video-games.
-
- Child Chao
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:56 pm
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
come on start with chapter 3
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
^
Dude, lay off the Chao emotes.
~~~~~~~~
pokemonlove33, this is a decent idea. I mean, it could've already been used before, and it's just cliché, but it's not my choice. However, this story doesn't seem to be laid out correctly, so I'll give you tips to further improve the story.
• Use correct capitalization/punctuation/spelling/grammar. If you want to make your story stand out from the rest, take an English class, read a book, etc. This will give you a grasp on what to do. Keep the commas to a minimum.
• Don't use run-on sentences. We don't need to overuse the word "and" in every sentence. "And" is rather a word to separate cause and effect.
• Don't throw in a big event every chapter. That will advance the plot too quickly, therefore making the story end within a few chapters. Nobody wants that.
• Give us more detail. Adjectives are key, and that will give readers a better sense of what's going on. What is the character thinking? What is the character experiencing? We want to actually feel like we're there.
• Expand your horizons. Try to go beyond the main idea of owning a virtual pet in reality. Use side-plots or other ideas to give depth to the story.
Follow these, and you'll be a bit more like AtomicBat. Trust me here; I know what I'm doing.
Dude, lay off the Chao emotes.
~~~~~~~~
pokemonlove33, this is a decent idea. I mean, it could've already been used before, and it's just cliché, but it's not my choice. However, this story doesn't seem to be laid out correctly, so I'll give you tips to further improve the story.
• Use correct capitalization/punctuation/spelling/grammar. If you want to make your story stand out from the rest, take an English class, read a book, etc. This will give you a grasp on what to do. Keep the commas to a minimum.
• Don't use run-on sentences. We don't need to overuse the word "and" in every sentence. "And" is rather a word to separate cause and effect.
• Don't throw in a big event every chapter. That will advance the plot too quickly, therefore making the story end within a few chapters. Nobody wants that.
• Give us more detail. Adjectives are key, and that will give readers a better sense of what's going on. What is the character thinking? What is the character experiencing? We want to actually feel like we're there.
• Expand your horizons. Try to go beyond the main idea of owning a virtual pet in reality. Use side-plots or other ideas to give depth to the story.
Follow these, and you'll be a bit more like AtomicBat. Trust me here; I know what I'm doing.
- SilverRabbit
- Fearless Chao
- Posts: 688
- Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 6:13 pm
- Motto: We're going to the ark, so I guess that means we- crud
- Location: Tea Land
- Contact:
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
finneefinn8963 wrote:come on start with chapter 3
Chapter 3 is out :3
Weird person who likes cartoons, pink and video-games.
-
- Seeker Chao
- Posts: 236
- Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2013 8:58 pm
- Location: The Dark Side Of The Moon
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
^This is Really good EeveeFan!
I love reading stories,and this story was a Great one to Read!
Thanks for sharing.
I love reading stories,and this story was a Great one to Read!
Thanks for sharing.
I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a Freak. So I've been a Freak all my Life and I have to live with that,you know. I'm one of those people.
- Prince Ricard
- Veteran Chao
- Posts: 1156
- Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2012 4:45 pm
- Motto: The Sun will rise tomorrow.
- Location: Ohio
- Contact:
Re: The Human That Met A Chao
WAIT A SEC HOLD THE ****** PHONE DID EBOY MAKE A SERIOUS POST OMG THE END IS NEAR