Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

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Likey, or no likey...?

Yes! OBSESSED!
1
20%
Yeah!
2
40%
Meh *twiddling of the thumbs*
1
20%
Uh, no.
1
20%
Absolutely not.
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No votes
 
Total votes: 5

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Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Eugolorp!
(Prologue backwards)
Spoiler:
It was a cloudy night. Clouds encircled the moon, making them give off eerie white glows. Buildings cast dim shadows on the sidewalks of the world of Chao. Chaoland, Chaopolis, whatever you want to call it. It didn't have a name, as far as the chao were concerned. It was very peaceful...most of the time. Occasionally, a chao would die or something, or a store would be robbed. Normal problems for an average city. But darkness lurked in the deepest depths of the innocent world.

On the outskirts of Chaopolis (that's it name...for now), a telephone pole had cracked when lightning hit it. The whole thing split, and came crashing into the ground, on top of a chao. But this odd chao wasn't crushed. Not even the slightest bit. It seemed as if it just...vanished under the ground without making a hole.

~~~~~~~~

The chao's name was Zingo. Zingo was a purely bred advanced run chao. He was taller than most, faster than most, and above all...odder than most. He spent most of his days locked up in a lab he would not speak of. But explosions could be heard from all across Chaopolis, and each of them came from the lab. Every so of people would see him leave and go to a supply store. No one ever saw him eat or drink anything. People called him "the Live Mr. Hyde" behind his back, since they knew his experiments would be his downfall if those explosions kept up. Many people suspected he was making something evil, and some chao had already left town because of that news. Others thought he was just a poor man who needed to get out more, have a chance at life. But you see, he did get out...occasionally. And a telephone pole fell on him. Great start, isn't it?

You see, when the pole hit him, it had electricity on it. Zingo had some strange substances upon him that he had been using in his lab. When the two connected, it created a split second vortex, too fast for one too see. It sucked Zingo up right then and there, right before the pole crashed. When Zingo awakened, he was in another dimension. He looked about curiously, but he soon froze in terror when he saw what was ahead of him.

It was a golden light. Behind the golden light was gleaming eyes, and sharp teeth. Claws shimmered as they held the light in its hands. A small patch of purple face was connected to the eyes, the terrifying eyes, that seemed to stare deep into him. His heart pounded as the grinning mouth began to speak steadily in a cold, mournful voice like thundering clouds.

"Water will flood and then will dry; flames will rage, and then will die. The wind will howl, and then will sigh. Voices will speak truth, and then will lie."

Terror. That was the only thing Zingo remembered when he appeared beside the fallen pole. His eyes fluttered open. He looked at the pole. The dimension, he thought. It's evil. Why did I start this experiment? he immediately leapt to his feet and left the pole and sparks and flames, ready to warn the people of what was too come.
1 Retpahc
(Chapter 1 Backwards)
Spoiler:
A young chao was playing in the Chaopolis Park in the center of town. Her little chao paws were splattered with mud, grass, and dirt as she splashed and dug in mud puddles. She giggled and started stomping in a mud puddle playfully. "Whee~!" She squeaked. This was fun!

Suddenly, she heard loud, ear-shattering clanging of the nearby bell. She frowned. Her fun had been ruuuuined!! She stood up and pondered the ringing. It hadn't been this frantic since...well, since she had hatched, which was twenty five human years ago. Otherwise, the young chao was 5 years old. She stood up and started running to the nearby Bell Tower, which was really the only Bell tower in the entire City. The Bell at the top was swaying back and forth.

It only took a few minutes to reach the old tower. She pushed open the doors and darted inside, only too meet up with a humongous crowd of confused chao. "'Scuse me, please. Watch your feet. Pardon me, coming through..." She said quietly as she pushed her way farther in. She finally made her way through, and darted up the stairs. She huffed and puffed as she jumped two stairs at a time. Man, she thought as she panted. How do those older chao do it?

At last, she made it too the top. At first, she saw nothing but cobwebs, stones and dust. But then, she saw a familiar color. It was dark blue. It was grabbing a rope, heaving in massive amounts of air. He was sweating. Suddenly, she realized who it was. It was Zingo.
Her father.

~~~~~~~~~~

"89chao," Zingo gasped. The young chao--otherwise 89chao--stared at him. "Dad," she said. "Dad, um...why are you here instead of your lab?" She felt awkward, talking to him. Her Father, whom she rarely saw. She wished she could spend more time with him, but she was too kind to ask him too stay with her. She knew he did stuff important in that lab. Stuff that didn't concern her at all.

Zingo looked at her. He wiped the sweat off his face, not sure how too answer her. He didn't want too scare her. He then drew in a deep breath. "I'll have too tell you. There's no time to speak at the moment. Come on, I'll carry you downstairs. I have to tell the people something." He walked over and picked her up, as promised. He trotted down the stairs until he came to the first level of the tower. Everyone stared in disbelief, and then an anxious buzz of words blended in air floated from them. Zingo drew in a deep, shaky breath.

89chao wondered what was going on. She squirmed slightly, wanting to be let down. Her father put her down instantly, and she looked up at him. "What's happening?"

Zingo didn't answer. He just ran up onto the stage. "People of Chaopolis!" He shouted over the noise. All eyes were directed to him. He swallowed nervously. "I have brought you here today to tell you of good and bad news. I will no longer be spending time in my lab for at least a few years now." He paused. Confused, yet pleased, murmurs rose from the crowd. 89xhao smiled up at her father. At last! she thought. But her father wasn't done speaking yet, "But the bad news is, one of my experiments....it turned out to be..." He gulped. 89chao could see more sweat beading at his forehead. "It lead me to another dimension, where there was this horrid looking chao...he told me something....something earth-shattering. All that we know will betray us! We must flee now if we are too survive!"

89chao's stomach flip-flopped. What was her father speaking of? Sounds of angeraand disbelief was heard from the direction of the chao. "He's crazy," she heard someone say. Anger made her cheeks flush. Her father was not crazy. She stormed up the steps to the stage, and stood beside him. She reached up, indicating that she wanted his microphone. Confused, he handed her the Mic. She looked at the crowd, the sound devic clutched tightly in her paws.
"He is not crazy!" She shouted. Everyone was silent. "And I can prove it!"
2 Dna 1 trap 2 Retpahc
(Chapter 2 Part 1 and 2)
Spoiler:
Silence, then loud, mocking laughter. 89chao felt crestfallen as she stared into the giggling crowd. Her cheeks flushed red as she began to cry. She clinged to Zingo. Why won't they believe him? she thought through weeps. It wasn't fair that they had to treat her and her father that way. It made her feel so embarrassed and helpless, and it took a very long time for her too forget things. She figured that this memory would haunt her forever.

Zingo glared at the crowd. His eyes were clouded. She knew he was thinking, so she slowly let go of him. He best not be disturbed. She slowly crawled off the stage as they continued laughing blindly. She felt like giving them a piece of their own medicine, but Mabel had said that wouldn't be nice.

She carefully avoided the chao as she fled from the building. Soon, she felt herself slamming into a cart full of apple's. The cart tipped, leaving an angry apple merchant shouting bad things at her.

Rough day.

She didn't stop to help, though. She kept running, until she could run no more. And even then, she kept staggering forward a couple of steps before collapsing on the ground. But, she soon got completely worn out. She lay Ian a heap, panting heavily. Where was she?

She looked up. The town outskirts, she thought, letting out an out loud gasp. She looked at a fallen pole. "Hmm," she wondered. Dust, bluish green dust, seemed to be sparkling near it. Curiosity killed the cat, or rather, bribed the chao, for she went wandering cautiously towards it.

She stooped over the dust. Her reflection stared back at her. "Odd," she mused. She swirled her hand in it, and her face changed to a dark, teethy chao. She screamed and lunged backwards. She better go get Zingo now...

--2 Trap

But she didn't. She didn't run. She didn't move. She felt as if she had been captivated, and she couldn't run now. She felt herself physically changing. It didn't come over her swiftly; it came over her like a seething pain. A knife. It felt like a knife was slowly, painfully cutting her on her back and face. She couldn't scream, her mouth felt too had been sewn shut for the time being. She trembled in pain as the change swept over her, as it intensified.

Then it stopped.

Just like that; it stopped. 89chao dropped to the ground in relief. She would never, ever play with that stuff again. "I'm alive," she gasped. She looked at herself, and suddenly, she felt as if the knife was slicing her again.

Mentally.

She stood up, and looked at her paws. Her feet, her tail, her body...everything had changed.

She was a dark chao.

"Ahhh!!!!" She cried. "No!! This must be a dream!! I can't be..."

She gulped, tears swelling in her eyes. "I can't be a Dark Chao,"
Last edited by The Ice Maiden on Tue Jul 02, 2013 8:14 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by NachoThePikachu »

:3

Really well done Beam! Can't wait for the story to start!
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by SkyGinge »

I'm not yet going to analyse in my usual great detail unless you want me to, but I am going to say that I'm impressed by how much you've improved in the five months I've been away. I noticed you put a lot of effort into description and making it flow well, so congratulations :')
PM me if you have any piece of writing that you want reviewed, I'll do my best to help you out!

Funky stuff:
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Thankies guys! Chapter 1 should be up later today.
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Retpahc 1

A young chao was playing in the Chaopolis Park in the center of town. Her little chao paws were splattered with mud, grass, and dirt as she splashed and dug in mud puddles. She giggled and started stomping in a mud puddle playfully. "Whee~!" She squeaked. This was fun!

Suddenly, she heard loud, ear-shattering clanging of the nearby bell. She frowned. Her fun had been ruuuuined!! She stood up and pondered the ringing. It hadn't been this frantic since...well, since she had hatched, which was twenty five human years ago. Otherwise, the young chao was 5 years old. She stood up and started running to the nearby Bell Tower, which was really the only Bell tower in the entire City. The Bell at the top was swaying back and forth.

It only took a few minutes to reach the old tower. She pushed open the doors and darted inside, only too meet up with a humongous crowd of confused chao. "'Scuse me, please. Watch your feet. Pardon me, coming through..." She said quietly as she pushed her way farther in. She finally made her way through, and darted up the stairs. She huffed and puffed as she jumped two stairs at a time. [i]Man,[/i] she thought as she panted. [i]How do those older chao do it?[/i]

At last, she made it too the top. At first, she saw nothing but cobwebs, stones and dust. But then, she saw a familiar color. It was dark blue. It was grabbing a rope, heaving in massive amounts of air. He was sweating. Suddenly, she realized who it was. It was Zingo.
Her father.

~~~~~~~~~~

"89chao," Zingo gasped. The young chao--otherwise 89chao--stared at him. "Dad," she said. "Dad, um...why are you here instead of your lab?" She felt awkward, talking to him. Her Father, whom she rarely saw. She wished she could spend more time with him, but she was too kind to ask him too stay with her. She knew he did stuff important in that lab. Stuff that didn't concern her at all.

Zingo looked at her. He wiped the sweat off his face, not sure how too answer her. He didn't want too scare her. He then drew in a deep breath. "I'll have too tell you. There's no time to speak at the moment. Come on, I'll carry you downstairs. I have to tell the people something." He walked over and picked her up, as promised. He trotted down the stairs until he came to the first level of the tower. Everyone stared in disbelief, and then an anxious buzz of words blended in air floated from them. Zingo drew in a deep, shaky breath.

89chao wondered what was going on. She squirmed slightly, wanting to be let down. Her father put her down instantly, and she looked up at him. "What's happening?"

Zingo didn't answer. He just ran up onto the stage. "People of Chaopolis!" He shouted over the noise. All eyes were directed to him. He swallowed nervously. "I have brought you here today to tell you of good and bad news. I will no longer be spending time in my lab for at least a few years now." He paused. Confused, yet pleased, murmurs rose from the crowd. 89xhao smiled up at her father. [i]At last![/i] she thought. But her father wasn't done speaking yet, "But the bad news is, one of my experiments....it turned out to be..." He gulped. 89chao could see more sweat beading at his forehead. "It lead me to another dimension, where there was this horrid looking chao...he told me something....something earth-shattering. All that we know will betray us! We must flee now if we are too survive!"

89chao's stomach flip-flopped. What was her father speaking of? Sounds of angeraand disbelief was heard from the direction of the chao. "He's crazy," she heard someone say. Anger made her cheeks flush. Her father was [i]not[/i] crazy. She stormed up the steps to the stage, and stood beside him. She reached up, indicating that she wanted his microphone. Confused, he handed her the Mic. She looked at the crowd, the sound device clutched tightly in her paws.
"He is not crazy!" She shouted. Everyone was silent. "And I can prove it!"
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by eblu »

beautifun

u gud
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

I take that as a compliment?
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Beam, he mixed the Words Beautiful And fun.

OF COURSE THAT'S A COMPLIMENT THAT I COULD AGREE ON.
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Ok lol xD I figured
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by NachoThePikachu »

Oh wait that might've been a typo. .3.

BUT I STILL THINK IT WAS BEAUTIFUN BEAM.
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by Snowy »

It's good
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by eblu »

i didn't mix beautiful and fun

i just thought the n would make it better
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

XD
Went to Six Flags yesterday....ode mymy first rollercoaster....and I died....I'm a zombie...
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Anyway...

1 trap 2 Retpahc
(Chapter 2 Part 1)

Silence, then loud, mocking laughter. 89chao felt crestfallen as she stared into the giggling crowd. Her cheeks flushed red as she began to cry. She clinged to Zingo. Why won't they believe him? she thought through weeps. It wasn't fair that they had to treat her and her father that way. It made her feel so embarrassed and helpless, and it took a very long time for her too forget things. She figured that this memory would haunt her forever.

Zingo glared at the crowd. His eyes were clouded. She knew he was thinking, so she slowly let go of him. He best not be disturbed. She slowly crawled off the stage as they continued laughing blindly. She felt like giving them a piece of their own medicine, but Mabel had said that wouldn't be nice.

She carefully avoided the chao as she fled from the building. Soon, she felt herself slamming into a cart full of apple's. The cart tipped, leaving an angry apple merchant shouting bad things at her.

Rough day.

She didn't stop to help, though. She kept running, until she could run no more. And even then, she kept staggering forward a couple of steps before collapsing on the ground. But, she soon got completely worn out. She lay Ian a heap, panting heavily. Where was she?

She looked up. The town outskirts, she thought, letting out an out loud gasp. She looked at a fallen pole. "Hmm," she wondered. Dust, bluish green dust, seemed to be sparkling near it. Curiosity killed the cat, or rather, bribed the chao, for she went wandering cautiously towards it.

She stooped over the dust. Her reflection stared back at her. "Odd," she mused. She swirled her hand in it, and her face changed to a dark, teethy chao. She screamed and lunged backwards. She better go get Zingo now...
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

2 trap

But she didn't. She didn't run. She didn't move. She felt as if she had been captivated, and she couldn't run now. She felt herself physically changing. It didn't come over her swiftly; it came over her like a seething pain. A knife. It felt like a knife was slowly, painfully cutting her on her back and face. She couldn't scream, her mouth felt too had been sewn shut for the time being. She trembled in pain as the change swept over her, as it intensified.

Then it stopped.

Just like that; it stopped. 89chao dropped to the ground in relief. She would never, ever play with that stuff again. "I'm alive," she gasped. She looked at herself, and suddenly, she felt as if the knife was slicing her again.

Mentally.

She stood up, and looked at her paws. Her feet, her tail, her body...everything had changed.

She was a dark chao.

"Ahhh!!!!" She cried. "No!! This must be a dream!! I can't be..."

She gulped, tears swelling in her eyes. "I can't be a Dark Chao,"
peace out ci
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by NachoThePikachu »

ONCE AGAIN VERY BEAUTIFUN BEAM.

:3

I'm amazzeddddd
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by Snowy »

Nice, little sis
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Aww :') thanks guys~! :chaohappy:
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by eblu »

sdrawkcab esman retpahc gnitirw pots
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

XD Han
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

3 Retpahc
(You knows what dis means)

89chao was now at Mabel's house. She was nervously twiddling her thumbs as she looked at the door. She had already rung the doorbell. Twice. So why wasn't her best friend answering?

You see, Mabel had been her best friend ever since Mabel was a Neutral chao. She had decided to evolve into a N/F/N a long time ago, but that didn't change a thing. At least, she didn't think it did. But evolving to a completely new alignment would be different. Neutral and Dark were naturally enemies...and 89chao didn't want to be her enemy. She was just about to leave, when the creaky door swung open.

"89chao?"

She turned to the shocked, sweatdropping Mabel. She bit her lip and cat her gaze to the ground. "Hi," she said, as if she had never met the shiny blue chao before.

"What happened? Why are you a Dark chao?" Mabel asked, concerned. She didn't seem to be disgusted, but 89chao saw that little dark speck in her eye that appeared when she was this way. She began to cry again.

Mabel frowned, and walked over too her. "There, there, its alright! You're still 89chao. And if you want too look cooler..." The older chao grinned. "I have something that I was going to give to Name, but he evolved to a hero chao anyway. Come," she walked into her house.

89chao, although she was utterly confused, followed her anyway.

Inside was a cake. "I was going to play some Foolery with him the other day. Inside this cake, it has the stuff that will make you a Run chao. Wanna try it?"

89chao frowned. What if it felt like she was getting cut again...?

Mabel seemed to read her thoughts. "It won't hurt, honest. I did it before; couldn't feel a thing. And now look at how awesome I am~" Mabel giggled and struck a pose.

89chao giggled as well. "Alright..." She said a bit warily. "I'll try it,"

She walked over to the strawberry-frosted cake and examined it. She was trembling, still shaken from her little mishap at the pole. She bit her lip, and then opened her mouth. She took a bite.

Almost instantly, she began to feel sleepy. She closed her eyes, just as she saw a pink cocoon flourishing around her, and a proud Mabel standing by.

It seemed like only seconds before she emerged, but when she did, she knew it had been a while. Grey streaks of dawn filtered in through the window, and Mabel was asleep on the couch. She felt older and wiser, and taller. She walked around the small house in search of a mirror. At last, she found one. Hoping against hope she got what she expected, she picked up the mirror, and looked.

It was better then she imagined. Way better. She had Shadow quills, and garnet highlights tinted them, as well as her paws and feet. She looked into the mirror again, and realized her eyes were the same Oval shape as they had been before. She looked...awesome.

She ran over to Mabel.
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

1 trap 4 Retpahc

89chao had awaken Mabel, and Mabel had been pretty impressed by the younger chao's results. But now, hours later, the two were getting down to business. They were at the table, sipping on Hot Chocolate, discussing the dimension, her father, and 89chao's odd transformation.

Mabel picked up her mug. The steam rose up to her face and condensed, seeming to make her sweat. "89chao, are you sure this isn't some sort of odd prank?" She asked, taking a sip of the milky chocolate beverage. "Before now, you always said that Zingo was a person who enjoyed rather complicated jokes. That must be the case now, I'm sure you will agree -"

89chao, who had just taken a drink from her mug, immediately spewed it out. "Are you insane?! Look at me! I'm a Dark Chao now, all because of that blasted dimension! And it hurt like crazy, let me assure you. Didn't I already tell you this??" She shouted, in amazement and anger. "And besides, why would he put me in that much pain? I'm his daughter!"

"Ok, sheesh. Don't get your prop in a twist, woman." Mabel scoffed. She was silent for a moment, then she turned to 89chao. "How do you know you're speaking truth? I mean, you have changed - "

89chao slammed her fists on the table and stood up at the same time, spiling her drink in the process. "Hey, wait a minute. You're thinking just because I changed to the darker alignment, you shouldn't believe me? That's just downright despicable, Mabel!" She rose her voice once again.

Mabel looked up from where she was sitting. "I'm sure its far beyond my knowledge," she reassured 89chao. "Now, how on earth are we too stop this strange 'dimension', anyway?"

89chao, once she had calmed herself, began to grin.

"My dad,"
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

Sorry for quadruple posts.

2 trap 4 Retpahc

"Are you sure?"

Zingo was looking at the two chao who had recently arrived at the location of his secret lab, Mabel and 89chao. They had explained the little Dark Chao mishap right before asking permission to this daring task. The two looked confident in their little scheme, to travel to the Dimension of Evil. But, 89chao had suffered great pain just by staring into the demonic creature's eyes; what would happen if they met it face-to-face? Zingo didn't want to figure out, and so that's why he didn't want the two to go.

"Positive! Come on, Dad. If you don't help, we'll just find another way. And besides, all we need to get there is that Void Tarp of yours, the pixie dust and some electricity! Not that hard!"

Zingo frowned. "You certainly have evolved. You're acting more like a daring teen then the cautious little girI I once knew," he cocked an eyebrow at her. "But, if you're set on doing this, I guess I can't stop you. I will help, but you must promise that you will not go into any unnecessary danger." He stared at them. "Are we clear?"

89chao nodded. "Of course," she said. "So...where are we supposed to get some electric stuff like that?"

Zingo twiddled his paws. "Well, considering I've been in the future, I know where to get some. There is supposed to be a lightning storm tonight, actually. It'll hit that wall up that hill. With that lightning bolt, the Void Tarp and the Dust, we should be able to create a vortex leading there. But we must warn the others never to go there; not now, not ever. This will alter time, I'm sure."

89chao gulped. "Okie dokie then. Let's get the stuff before the lightning storm arrives," she said as she opened a closet door. She rummaged through the series of tarps; Time Tarp, Death Alteration Tarp, Camping Tarp, Mobi-Tarp, and last but not least, the Void Tarp.

"Got it," she said confidently. She grabbed the thin sheet of blue and slung it over her shoulders. "Let's go before Nightfall, so we'll have time to set things up and such,"

They set off, but 89chao didn't see something. Right on the Death Alteration Tarp, was a little sticky note. On the note, there was a little message.

Failed.
Couldn't save Mary.
peace out ci
reshiramchao
Evolved Chao
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Joined: Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:40 pm

Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by reshiramchao »

ooo ooo ooo I'm so hooked on this story! PLEASE continue!
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The Ice Maiden
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Re: Shocker (Chao like you've never read it before! cx)

Post by The Ice Maiden »

*coughbumpcough*

Will continue.
peace out ci
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