Omochao (the Creepypasta!)

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Canpaw
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Omochao (the Creepypasta!)

Post by Canpaw »

This is my first creepypasta.


Spoiler:
I was alone in my room, about to plug in a Gameboy Advance to Gamecube AC Adapter into the Gamecube. I did it. I transferred my Tiny Chao Garden Chao to the garden. Then, I went to go get Chaos Drives with Eggman. But when I was at the end of the stage, I had received rank 'O.' I was confused, as grades only go from A to E. When I went to the Chao Garden, all of my chao were blue, and with a little propeller on top of them. Omochao? Ha! You can't get those in the Chao Garden without hacking! I was confused. I looked up "O Rank on Sonic Adventure 2: Battle" but my internet was failing. Later, while taking care of chao, I heard an odd, metallic, and echoey voice saying, "How did I get here?" Then, a bunch of omochao were falling down from the sky. All of my chao looked normal again, except they looked generally terrified and started gathering up near Shadow. They were afraid of the Omochao. Even Cars2, my Power chao was scared. I was scared, too. Then, the Omochao started attacking the Chao. Suddenly, I had gained my powers I usually have when playing the game. When I grabbed each Omochao, they struggled, and blood was all over the Chao Garden. I threw the Omochao off the cliff, after I detached their propellers. Somehow, after the attack, all of my baby Chao start evolving immediately. All eggs hatched, and evolved. Then, all of the chao died. Died. No chao reincarnated. I exited the Chao Garden at this horrid sight. Then, the screen went black and white text said, "TO HAVE YOUR CHAO BACK TO NORMAL, GET ALL 'O' RANKS." I did it. When I did go back to the Chao Garden, instead of the garden lobby, I teleported to a battlefield. Dozens of Omochao came from the sky. I was playing as Eggman. I had to shoot down all of them. I did, with very little health remaining. Then, a message of blood on the wall IN REAL LIFE said, "Your chao have all died.... because of YOU." I was creeped out to the max. I went to the living room. Nobody was there. I was generally frightened by then. Mysterious figures came out of the wall. They looked like chao, but they were bloody as heck itself. Then, they came out with knives... and that's all I can remember. Good god.
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Re: Omochao (the Creepypasta!)

Post by eblu »

Oh, boy. Looks like it's cliché paradise up in here. I'll try to point out the flaws in your creepypasta.

First thing's first: it's a video game creepypasta, and those have been beaten to death. I'll let it slide for now.

How does one plug a GBA AC adapter into a GameCube?

Saying "I did it." is taboo for writing a story.

You need to consolidate a lot of sentences here and there.

Saying "Ha!", apart from being an interjection that should only be used sparingly, is also used wrongly as you almost immediately say that you were confused.

As stated before, just about all of this creepypasta is comprised of clichés.

"Good god?" Seriously?! This is like writing a story and saying "YEAH. YA KNOW THAT ENDING WITH THE CONFLICT RESOLUTION? HOW 'BOUT WE CUT THAT OUT. YEAH, THAT'LL WORK WELL." That's not how you end a creepypasta.

Overall, you do have potential for writing creepypastas, but you have a long way to go. Keep trying.

also how was my jontron impression
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Re: Omochao (the Creepypasta!)

Post by Crash32 »

pretty sure creepypastas are supposed to be borderline terrible
so he did a pretty good job (no offense intended at all)
coming from someone who wrote this masterpiece
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Canpaw
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Re: Omochao (the Creepypasta!)

Post by Canpaw »

eboy wrote:Oh, boy. Looks like it's cliché paradise up in here. I'll try to point out the flaws in your creepypasta.

First thing's first: it's a video game creepypasta, and those have been beaten to death. I'll let it slide for now.

How does one plug a GBA AC adapter into a GameCube?

Saying "I did it." is taboo for writing a story.

You need to consolidate a lot of sentences here and there.

Saying "Ha!", apart from being an interjection that should only be used sparingly, is also used wrongly as you almost immediately say that you were confused.

As stated before, just about all of this creepypasta is comprised of clichés.

"Good god?" Seriously?! This is like writing a story and saying "YEAH. YA KNOW THAT ENDING WITH THE CONFLICT RESOLUTION? HOW 'BOUT WE CUT THAT OUT. YEAH, THAT'LL WORK WELL." That's not how you end a creepypasta.

Overall, you do have potential for writing creepypastas, but you have a long way to go. Keep trying.

also how was my jontron impression

I don't know 'creepypasta cliches,' because I don't read creepypastas, I make them.
Also, it's a GBA to Gamecube adapter.

EDIT: hahhaa, nice edit, Mods XD
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